In my 30’s, I learned a few things about knowing the difference between being alone and lonely. The moment that was mastered, another conundrum surfaced.
During the first phase, I realized that I welcomed people in my life strictly as a result of my loneliness. With that came drama, heart ache and betrayal to name a few. I invited people in my ‘arena’ that needed me in one way or another. Shortly after that, the tables turned. I was there because I needed them again…as space fillers.
Why do we do this to ourselves? We can give that overly used response of “I did not want to be alone.” Or we can actually dig a bit deeper and realize that there is more to it than that.
Most of us start off with that ‘did not want to be alone’ reason until we take the time to transcend into TRUE reality. The true reality for most of us is that we are scared. Scared of silence and what it will whisper to us.
During that time, we realize that silence can present not just whispers but ghost of our past, present and future.
Some of us hear things such as:
“What if everyone finds out that I am not the person I present on stage and during ‘water cooler’ conversations?”
“What if they find out that I am not truly happy with being a man of color because sometimes it just too hard?”
“What if they find out that I lie about every detail of my professional life because I want to impress everyone around me? “
“What if they find out my biggest secret of all time? I like to be in control because I am insecurities will not allow me to be comfortable if someone else is in control.”
“I keep telling everyone I have money because I figure that will make the people around me happy and stay close to me.”
Anyone that has gone through this knows that this these actions and lies are only temporary. The truth will come out in one way or another. Or some of us end up dying alone because our lies have aliened our friends and we lose touch with reality with ourselves until the day we die. Either way, it’s not a praiseworthy result.
Why not surround ourselves with like-minded people that ‘get’ you in one way or another? The kind of people that don’t judge you on your new-found faith, weird clothing choices and basic lifestyle. The kind of people that know the real you. They tell you when you are wrong. They will help you along the way in this difficult life.
Because God knows this life is full of disappointments. However, I believe, that He gives 3-times more of those good times. The laughter, the smiles and the feeling of love makes it all worth it.
