Giving Thanks!

Good morning, Cyber Book. I know…it has been a while. Not realizing it, I took a break from writing in this blog and I must catch up! I also discovered that during this hiatus, my ex has been sneaking on here and reading my blogs, showing his friends and making fun of my ‘pain’. Listen, you are 30 years old now. I believe it is time for you to grow up, move on and start building your relationship with God. I TRUE relationship with Him. Before you know it, God will change your natural reactions and you will not be temped to these child-like behaviors. And that is all the energy that I will put towards that. :-) To my friends and family, I wanted to say that this has been a great few months! Filled with love and joy beyond measure. Please allow me to share and be corny! LOL Since I have joined this church (Oak Lawn United Methodist), I met some great people that I consider friends and solid confidants. They have helped me build my relationship with God and they did not have a clue. These select few have been examples of how love should be. Dr. Gretchen – She is not on Facebook or any of these social networking sites but she is truly an amazing person. The first Bible Class I attended at OLUMC was ‘Open Doors’ and these she was. She gave me the biggest welcome and I haven’t left her class since. There was a time when I was going though a break-up and as we all know, going through a breakup seems like the end of the world when we are going through it!! (LOL) Better we should know. Anyway, I digress. Gretchen did not sit and talk to me about it. She did not offer some words of wisdom. She did not do these things because I did not ask. She changed my life just by being there, being a loving and welcoming human being. She was showing me (inadvertently) that this is how love should be. I quickly realized that what I experienced in a few of my relationships (partners and friends) was not love. Dear God, it was like I woke up from this stupor and I took a count of what was around me; and who I let around me. Dear GOD! I tell Gretchen all the time how much I love and appreciate her. She still does not know why. :-) Pastor Frank – Let me tell you about this guy (LOL!!!!!!!). I came to this church a week before he did (even though he had been there years back). However, he was returning as Senior Pastor and the timing was perfect. Like most people (as I am discovering), you don’t know how to receive Frank at first. He is not rude by any means or unwelcoming. He is a TRUE thinker. So when you are talking to him, you can see him sit back. At first, I was like...”Ummm…ok…are you there?” LOL (I cannot stop laughing as I type these things) The Lord open my eyes one day and I realized this guy is an old soul and he is a THINKER! Man-oh-man, how I wish I thought more before I spoke! But Frank as been a great example of patience, strength and loyalty. I had a short conversation with Frank about a situation that involved my ‘worry’ about an ex spreading lies in the church about me. I wasn’t worried about the lies but I was worried that these people would believe this ex of mine and it would keep me from growing in the church. I had plans on signing up for different ministries within the church and become a VERY active member. To have THOSE plans deterred; the mere thought sent me into a state of comfort. However, at that time, I did not know that God would protect me on that level. Before I knew and trust God on that level, I made a decision to leave the church because I did not have the energy to fight the ex with his lies and deceit. I thought to myself “Well, I can find another loving church and grow there.” Before I knew it, Frank (and a few other members) reached out to me. Frank asked me to meet with him so we could talk about it. When I tell you, that conversation was brief and resolved in a matter of minutes. The ‘look’ on his face was priceless when I told him I did not care what my ex said/lied about, my only worry was it would prevent me from being included in church ministries and groups (my eyes filled with tears). Frank gave me a smirk, shook his head and said “You have nothing to worry about.” At that moment, I laughed and rejoiced eternally because I felt God presence in that office hugging me at the same time. I walked out of that office with my head high and my spirit restored. I was on a mission and here I am! STILL STANDING! Thank you, Frank! I love you man! Pastor Kerry – Oh my dear friend, Kerry. It was your face that made my first visit to OLUMC unforgettable. You coming up to me and saying “Oh my gosh its so good to see you again!! Wait…. we never met! I just made it weird. “ (LOL!!!) I still laugh today about that. That was, by far, the best first experience of my life. From that day, I can say that I have gained a friend and prayer partner. You will not hesitate to tell me what I need to do/know. I love that about you. I like when you’re direct with me because I know its because you love me just that much. We laugh together and pray together. Your spirit had been the reason many of us came through though doors and felt as if we were home. Thank you for all that you do! I….yes, I am blessed to be in ministry with you! :-)love you! During these last few months, these group of angels have been there to help me with my growth and I am thinking. I think I finally got the meaning of ‘it takes a village’; even at my old age! Hahaha Looking back on it all, I would do it all over again if it means bringing to where I am standing now (physically and spiritually). I will go through all the heart ache, false comforts and less-than-perfect friendships if it means I would be the ‘Byron’ I am right now. For I know all the GLORY and HONOR belong to God. ALL! Amen :-) :-)

Today I had a thought…

I thought about a discussion that took place in bible study this past Sunday. A lady mentioned the experiences we go through in life (good, bad or indifferent) make us who we are today. When we look back, we can glance over these ‘blueprints’ and either are thankful or resentful. Our free will, given as a gift from God himself, allows us to make better choice in the hopes of becoming better people.

What are the instructions to become a better person? Moreover, how do we ensure we remain focused on that path?
Speaking from personal experience, I need (not want) people around that will keep me grounded. I welcome the counsel of my loved ones; even if it that means I have to swallow that ‘jagged little pill’. I am blessed to have these friends nearby because it means they care and want the best for me, as I for them. I have also been blessed with family members that tell me hearing my voice makes them smile. By the way, this portion of this blog is to not gloat or boast. The purpose is to make sure I do not forget about the people in my life that have helped me become the man I am today. GOD deserves all the Glory and Praise. And the people that I speak of at this moment deserve their fair share of Praise.

I hope and pray I am on the right path. I hope and pray to never become lazy when I count my blessings. I hope and pray that I never turn out to be the person that no longer cares about others. I hope and pray that my blueprints make me into the man that God is proud of. I hope and pray that God will continue to use me as He sees fit. I hope I show love and general concern to the people that have gifted me with the same. I hope and pray that I continue to show that love and common courtesy to the people that have not done so to me. I will never accept being treated poorly. I will always tell you directly (not in a passive aggressive manner) that you have hurt me. It will between you and God after that. This is my prayer in hopes to become a better person daily. Better than I was yesterday. Amen.

I am not less...

I read a disturbing tweet from a person this morning that not only disappointed me, it reminded me that hypocrisy is still alive. The tweet went on to say that ‘homosexuality is NOT approved by God….SIN is not approved by God….” She was saying this as if she was not a sinner herself. She is a single mother (never wed). Am I missing something? Aren’t we all sinners?

For quite some time now, I was under the impression that since are all in the same ‘boat’, we are to strive to become better children of God daily. As a child of God, it is our responsibility to NOT judge His children, pray for each other and most importantly, LOVE one another.

As we all know, by any means, I am not perfect. I am flawed and try to become a better man each day. However, I know that I cannot do this alone. I know that if I let the world mold me, I would feel less than a man. Heck, if I let the world label and mold me, I would feel less than a human being.

Thankfully, I have my Heavenly Father there to remind me that I am made in HIS image. And through his Son, Jesus Christ, I have been forgiven for all my sins. Which means I will NOT take this for granted and I WILL work until the day I die trying to be the man that He intended me to be.

I may be different to YOU, but I am NOT less to HIM. Amen?? AMEN!

None of your Business??

A couple of weeks ago, I was having a conversation with a friend about sexual orientation. We talked about how some feel that it is no one’s business when they are approached about this subject.

It got me to thinking. I thought about how much information we put out into the world thanks to our social networks. We share everything from what we ate the night before, to the inappropriate comments about someone we no longer care for.

When I comes to sexual orientation, is it really ‘none of your business’ or is it a fear of not being accepted?

This past week, in Disciple Class we read about Esther. She was a beautiful woman chosen by King Xerxes. She hid her Jewish ethnicity from the king; which she revealed later. Esther, as a queen, has access to the riches of an entire kingdom and can choose to give up her identity for the sake of luxury. Instead she keeps Torah in secret and, ultimately, risks her life in order to save her people.

During the 1700s, Slavery (in America) was at its highest. Throughout this time of oppression, you have lighter skin African Americans trying to pass for Caucasian just to get out of slavery and to a better life. This was simply called ‘passing’. Racial passing refers to a person classified as a member of one racial group attempting to be accepted as a member of a different racial group. The term was used especially in the US to describe a person of mixed-race heritage assimilating to the white majority during times when legal and social conventions of hypo descent classified the person as a minority, subject to racial segregation and discrimination.

When thinking about it twice, what would you say if you were in their shoes and someone asked if you were of African American descent? Would you tell them ‘none of your business’, claim your African American heritage or go with the illusion and allow them to believe that you are Caucasian?

Speaking from my own personal experience with it sexual orientation and being conformable with who I am, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, my ‘illusion’ was derived from the fear of not being accepted. It was only a few short years ago when I finally loved myself enough to be proud of who I am and the man that God created me to be. My hopes and prayers go out to the people that I love and know who seem to struggle with being comfortable in their own skin. I do know, however, we all have to get there in our own time. Thanks be to God. :-)

My Preference…Your Opinion....Our Suggestion

There are people that have their own dating rules tailored to fit their needs, desires and expectations. Then there are the people that judge them. Why is that?

For me, I have an idea on dating some consider ‘out the norm’ for my…how should I say this… ‘Lifestyle’. For one, the person has to have a strong relationship with God. I watch how they treat their mother as well. Lets be honest, if someone treats their mom (and/or father) poorly, why would they treat you any better? Next, they have to be 35 years old or older. This is a personal preference for me because I cannot see myself dating anyone in their 20s. I am not saying that everyone on their 20s is immature (or that everyone 35 and older is mature), it’s merely a preference. Also, I am a HUGE fan of the dark hair and eyes. THAT gets me every time. *Big Smile

With that being said, I find myself in constant conversations my dating rules and preference. I find myself defending this ‘list’ with people until I reach a point of frustration. Then I say to the person “Wait. These are my preferences. Why do you have an issue with it?”

For some, it was their way of letting me know that I was maybe ‘boxing’ myself in. For others, I believe it was a way of saying that maybe they would make a good candidate.

I started thinking about the friends of mine and their ‘box’ reference. Was I putting myself into this metaphoric box; which would prevent ‘the one’ from reaching me? Possibly – so I decided to make some adjustments. I will not budge on the relationship with God requirement. I might think twice (or even three times) about the age minimum. To let the dark hair and eyes requirement go; that might take a bit more persuading *Bigger Smile

Thank you, 2011.

As the year comes to an end, I cannot help but think about the infamous New Years Resolution ritual that most of us do every year. When I think about 2011, I think about the personal highs and lows of the year.

I think about the relationship I was in during the first half of the year; which ended by God removing me from an unhealthy situation. I am not sure about some of you, but while I am in certain situations, I don’t think I grasp the ‘unhealthiness’ until afterwards. I now see that as one of the ‘highs’ of the year. During the course of that relationship, I found my biological family (dad’s side). So not only do I have the Proutt family, God blessed me with the McCullough family AND my family of choice. My dear Heavenly Father also saw fit to bless me with a true church home. And although I almost let the ‘Christians behaving badly’ drive me away from that church home, I am thankful that he sent two of his finest people (Dr Gretchen and Pastor Frank) to come ‘get me’ and bring me back. I thought I made some friends there (with other people) but quickly realized that maybe not and that is ok. Seriously. NONE of us are perfect or make perfect friends. Once again, my Father showed me I have more blessings that I could ever imagine.

For me, 2011 was full of lessons that I carry me safely with me in 2012. These life lessons will hopefully preclude me from making the same mistakes. Overall, I hope and pray that everything I learned and experienced in 2011 will make me a better man, brother-in-Christ (and disciple), friend, family member and example in 2012.
Thank you again, Heavenly Father, for blessing me. I don’t feel worthy!

Traffic Light

Ten years ago, in my early 20s, I recall feeling this sense of endless possibility. I felt there was going to be more chances to love freely and dramatically. LOL

I believe most of us can admit that our 20s were full of theatrical moments; an essential ingredient to shape who we are today. Hopefully we learn from our 20s and make better decisions and we move on to the next age bracket.

Fast forward Byron’s life to present day:

“I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love” – Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Bradshaw

That happens to be one of my favorite quotes from that TV show; mainly because it resonates with my own life experiences. Like most TV shows, movies and/or songs, we tend to gravitate towards these examples so that we can feel less alien-like (LOL). We want to know that someone out there gets us on some level.

Then we meet people that don’t quite fit that ridiculous, inconvenient, love statement. They are clever with their words but fall short on their actions. As for me, there is no rush to the alter, of course. On the other hand, knowing that tomorrow is not promised, I have a difficult time sticking around for something seems to be wasteful. I do not believe in wasting time because I don’t know how much of that is left. None of us know. I want to spend each moment loving, laughing and sharing it with people on that same level. The time is here...right now...in this very moment. When it comes to bringing in that significant other, when do we stop? When do we go?

Why can’t we have a traffic light image pop in our heads when we meet new people…telling us when to proceed and when to stop proceeding? I guess that would be too easy, huh? LOL